Can you EVER have a normal life after a brutal ual ault? Or any kind of normal life at all?

I was violently aulted 6 years ago and for some reason I have just now in the last year or two have begun to develop the severe after affects. It was not the first time, but it was the most violent, brutal attack you can imagine and put me over the edge. I feel like a dirty pig. I have developed a fear of leaving the house. I cannot let my husband touch me. I do not look at my body anymore. I was ually abused when I was 7 and then by boyfriends. After being abused at such a young age and then by guys I dated, i disrespected my body and was promiscuous a few times, so i feel gross about that now too. I just thought that since I got ually abused so much that is how life was and/or is.I know not that is not true...does not change the past though. I am in a deep depression, feel suicidal at times. How can I get better. i do not want to lose my husband. How can I make him understand that at this point i am not ready for and need time to fix myself without him cheating on me? Vows say for better or worse, sickness and health and I am in the worse and sick right now. I have PTSD because of the abuses. It hurts me when he yells at me because i am not able to have right now. If he loved me enough he would give me some time to get better wouldn't he? Maybe even help me. 'Love is patient." Why do people forget these vows?That is why I ask, will I ever be able to enjoy sex again or want it? if he had cancer or something he would expect me to deal with it and be faithful or became impotent, he would expect me to be patient while he got better. i know i will never forget and i will always have flashbacks my whole life but I want those to become less frequent. They are everyday, every hour. I am on SSDI because of that ault. The PTSD has caused me to develop agoraphobia and panic attacks. My doc has indicated my fibromyalgia was most likely triggered from that as well. Has anyone been able to enjoy sex again or care about themselves again? I am at my wits end.